Dealing with Stress

What is stress?  How does one know if the pressures of being under stress has been removed or is lessening?  Apparently, for me, it is still there.  My therapist thinks I am very strong, i.e. can handle stress well but is this true?  For a while I was thinking that my stress levels would be getting lower but my therapist raised an important point - that by Jonathan having a chronic illness and not knowing which way it will go will forever be on my mind.  Not having any control and the possibility of the disease getting worse are important factors that are keeping my stress levels high.  In a way - the therapist is right.  Not a week goes by that I don't occasionally wonder about Jonathan's (future) outcome or having to deal with some issue regarding Jonathan's treatment.  I guess if I didn't have the worry about a family member having a chronic illness would have been one less thing to worry about and thus less stress.

I hate having to deal with this issue.  I thought my body and my mind would have adjusted and life would move on - but apparently it does not completely adjust.  Of course having to deal with stress is almost like the vicious circle of life.  It goes round and round and doesn't seem to end.  As my therapist says - having to deal with the birth of another child might also be adding to it.  Yep - it definitely is.  This could not have come at a worse time.  For a while I considered a permanent method of contraception but I have not brought myself to actually doing so as yet.  The thing is - if my situation remains the same - I definitely cannot have a fourth child - but at least I don't have to worry about that for at least another six months.

Like I said, the cycle of stress is like the cycle of life.  I suspect that with Gabby and I trying to adjust also means there is more stress in the home environment - especially when compared to other families who do not have a child with a chronic illness.  What this means is that we have less patience when dealing with the kids - which does not help the kids.  Over the last couple of weeks I've been trying to follow my therapist's advice in that I should be giving Jonathan positive reinforcement.  Instead of pointing out when he does something wrong, I should also point out when he does something right and commend him more often.  I'm also following the same strategy with Arielle but fortunately the same level of worry does not exist.

I do know that this cycle of stress has immobilized me a lot.  Every so often I consider whether I should be making a career change and know I have additional things to think about.  This, indirectly, is a bad thing as well, and it adds more to the feeling of not being in control.  Any decision I make now must always factor in Jonathan and his chronic illness.