I have had the same dream about two or three times in a row. Normally, whenever I have an emotional charged dreamed I think about it for a few moments and then move on. My belief has always been that dreams are triggered due to one of the following reasons: an event that occurred during the day triggered it, your brain is trying to process some information, or divine inspiration. There are times when I'm surprised by the content in my dreams but when I analyse what occurred during the day I can draw the parallels of the events that occurred during the day and how it can be a trigger point to my dream. Although I believe in the divine, I also have my doubts that it happens when it comes to dreams so "divine inspiration" is few and far between.
I've been dreaming about Jonathan while on my (business) trip to China. Maybe it's because I have time to myself in the night so my brain can now process the events over the last few weeks, or maybe it's representative of the anxiety I feel while waiting for the results. Who knows, but what I do know is that I rarely have the same type of dream over and over again. I figure if it is my brain trying to process things, then it's time to journal because I have been ignoring the second step in my personal process, which is to spend a few moments to reflect on it and then move on. Unfortunately, I fly back to the US today so there is no way to tell whether the journaling ends the recurrence of my dreams or whether the hustle and bustle of being at home will be the thing to end it as well, or whether it is really divine inspiration :).
As I reflect on the last few weeks with Jonathan, I see so many parallel events to the first time we went through that it is disconcerting. The thing is, Jonathan has been going for re-evaluations every six months, and although we delayed his last evaluation by an additional 3 months, I'm surprise we can still be caught off guard. This thing is like a sleeping giant - it hides, grows and gathers force, and then bam!, it awakens and says, "here I am, feel my roar!".
Here is a summary of the events to date (and this unfortunately reminds me of my first post in 2005).
Two months ago, Jonathan started complaining of pains in his chest area. Within a day or so some the pains became migratory and moved towards his back region. We took him to the doctor who then recommended we get an x-ray. The wet read of the x-ray came back negative so we were not sure what to do next. The thinking was to wait a couple of days and then we'll figure out what to do next if the symptoms remain. One theory was that there may have been some sort of viral infection to the lungs and the breathing would cause the pain to be manifested through-out his upper body area - what would explain the migratory nature of the pains.
After waiting a couple of days, Jonathan reported that the pain was gone, but a few days later we got word from the lab that on a more detail examination (of the x-ray) they were seeing blurring along his lung area that was not present in previous slides (in the past) so they wanted to take another x-ray. Of course, by this time the pain was gone so we were not surprise to hear that the second set of x-ray was negative as well. At the end of this episode we figured, okay, issue resolved itself, it wasn't walking pneumonia or something like that so he didn't need antibiotics, all is or should be well.
A few days later, we found out there was a visible lump growing from Jonathan's neck region. The lump was about 2 cm by 2 cm in size and the feeling was that his lymph node was infected. I could clearly see that the family physician was confused or worried and the next best step was to engage with Lucille Packard Children's Hospital (LPCH) and get an appointment to see Jonathan's oncologist - Dr. Twist.
We have known Dr. Twist for 7 years now and I reflect back over the last two weeks very fondly. We have always said that although LPCH and Stanford can be very slow to respond at times, when there is an emergency, they can move faster than a speeding bullet! I still remember our consult with Dr. Twist like if it was yesterday. When she examined the infected lymph node she suggested he gets a CT scan as a first priority and we can try and schedule an MRI scan as it was time to start his next round of evaluation. She wasn't sure we would get the MRI scan scheduled but at least we can get the CT scan scheduled.
By the next day I found out we had both scans scheduled for Friday morning and it confirmed our general belief that Dr. Twist was worried about the activity occurring in Jonathan's lymph node. On Friday afternoon I got a call from Dr. Twist that they found the lymph node growth was not just one or two lymph nodes but was a growth that had "roots" that extended downwards. They also found anomalies on his liver and along his spine (not on his spine). The news both floored me and helped in ending my confusion that this could be a relapse. I remember telling Dr. Twist that I have never heard of a relapse for Neuroblastoma being confined to lymph nodes, but had always heard about it coming back in the spine area or other areas as well so it all made more sense.
To illustrate the speed at which things can happen at LPCH, we had a consult with surgery the following Wednesday, and Jonathan went under the next day. During all of this time the "lump" had grown from when we had first discovered it, so it was now about 4 cm by 4 cm. The plan was the surgeons would remove a lymph node, pathology would take a quick read, if any Neuroblastoma cells were found we would put in a central line, and the oncology team would do a bone marrow aspirate. As it turns out, pathology couldn't say they found any Neuroblastoma cells with a definitive yes so the central line did not get put in and Jonathan recovered fairly well after the procedure. We were told that the results would take a few days, especially since the weekend was the day after, and in the meantime an MIBG scan was setup since the isotope used had an affinity to Neuroblastoma cells and would light up the infected areas so we'll have a better idea of how extensive it is - if it even was Neuroblastoma.
Well, all the scans and testings are done and we are waiting for the news. Normally we say no news is good news but we know that our oncologist is out of town so this does not apply. I just want to know, is this Neuroblastoma or not, if it is Neuroblastoma what is the chemistry of it (is it still as aggressive as before), and if it is not Neuroblastoma, what is it?
