The last couple of days have been very interesting. There were a couple of things that I didn't realize before that has now started to dawn on me. The first thing has been a realization and an insight into how this might be affecting Arielle. It was during a conversation with an Aunt on Sunday that I've come to see some of the changes Arielle has had to go through. Before all this started - about four weeks ago - Jonathan and Arielle were the best a parent could ask for in terms of playing and getting along as brothers and sisters. Generally they got along very well, knew how to play together, and frequently wanted each other to be around whenever they have to play or go somewhere. Of course they had their little fights and arguments - especially when it came to sharing - but when we observed how our kids behaved when playing together versus how other siblings of a similar age difference play together - it was totally different.
One of the things that happened when Jonathan was admitted to the hospital - first for his biopsy and then for his first rounds of chemotherapy - was that his personality changed. He became very grumpy and didn't want to interact with people - sometimes with even his parents! Jonathan would also push people away - as had happened to Arielle and although Arielle was trying to be a nice, caring sister - she would not have understood why he was pushing her away - both physically, as well as emotionally. It got so bad that even while Arielle will want to play with some of Jonathan's things - he would behave badly by crying and taking away his toys from Arielle. Over time I can see how that will affect a child - especially a two year old like Arielle and how that must have hurt her - even today.
Coupled with her big brother pushing her away - Arielle had to deal with not having two parents at home all the time. She would frequently go a couple nights without seeing daddy (since sometimes I might do the longer shifts) or she would now have less time with her parents when she does see them because Gabby and I would have had our own stresses to deal with before spending time with her. We were luckily that through it all we first had our Aunt and Uncle in Hollister to help with giving Arielle that care and extra attention she needed and then having Gabby's parents with us as Jonathan got admitted into the hospital and to this very day.
One of the things I have noticed is that Arielle would (at times) tell us that "I don't like you", "I'm not happy with you" but that is usually when she is stressed or frustrated. One of the things we are doing now is having both kids sleep with us in our bedroom. Partly because we don't have a choice and the kids wouldn't let us - and partly because they want the company. The great thing is that the kids love to 'camp out' so instead of having all four of us squeeze up in the bed - the kids insist they have to sleep on the ground on their sleeping bags. So what we've done is laid so much stuff down on the ground that it's almost like sleeping on a bed.
It will be interesting to see how Arielle adjusts over time - and I am recognizing the need to utilize more resources at the hospital - such as social services, child play, and psychiatry to both teach us and help the kids deal with these tremendous changes in their lives.
1 comment:
It is good that you recognize that this experience is not only stressful for the parents but for the children, too. There is much that Arielle can't understand, but she obviously knows that a dramatic change is taking place in her life. She is a very pleasant and loving child, and so long as she feels secure in the love of her family she will survive in great shape, as will the rest of the family. Hang in there, and keep on loving!
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